


cellophane

by lookingforatardis



Category: Actor RPF, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 23:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforatardis/pseuds/lookingforatardis
Summary: I was asked: do you know fka twigs? her new video cellophane is really good if you ever need angsty inspoLYRICS:Didn't I do it for you? / Why don’t I do it for you? / Why won't you do it for me / When all I do is for you?They want to see us, want to see us alone / They want to see us, want to see us apartAnd I, just want to feel you're there / And I don’t want to have to share our loveI try, but I get overwhelmed / When you're gone I have no one to tell.





	cellophane

**Author's Note:**

> thanks anon! this was a fun little one. I highly recommend listening to this song, it's really good and definitely is the mood of this little ficlet through and through.

He’d seen them too many times. The tweets, the posts, the comments, all out there for the world to see, breaking every glance and touch down to the root cause and guessing the motivations like behavioral psychologists tracking down a lead, blond hair, blue eyes, 6′5″ with a tendency towards thin-framed brunets. Timmy saw it all, saw too much, of what they said. How they ached for validation in their beliefs, how others ached for any validation that he was exactly as advertised, straight, bright, unattainable in the most inciting way. The warring of opinions about himself, about Armie, about the film, everything. 

And maybe his fascination with it all was what got him into trouble, or maybe it was just the way Armie looked at him that night. Maybe it was the Port, maybe it was the nagging in his mind that so many had seen something in their interactions that felt authentic that gave him the courage to cross over the counsel in Armie’s car to press his lips against his, insistent, eager, too honest. 

But then again, Armie had kissed back.  _That_  time, any way. And Timmy had hoped, oh god had he hoped that he hadn’t imagined this after all, that everyone had been right, that this was something to hold onto, not just scatter like tissue paper in the hands of a toddler. It was pristine, guarded, perfectly innocent in the earnest way Armie leaned against him in the dark car and laughed breathlessly at Timmy’s satisfied smile. 

Timmy had confessed not long after that he thought he might be in love with him, terrified of the outcome but feeling bold nevertheless. The silence, the  _Oh Tim_ , that followed, they left him breathless and tight, sucked in as he nodded and backed up to escape the tragic look of despair on Armie’s face as he reminded him that it wasn’t realistic. 

Maybe the worst part of it all wasn’t even the goodbye, but what came after. The pretending, the holding-it-together, the pang in Timmy’s bones when he’d read the comments, see the posts and tweets. When he’d play along because sometimes it felt better to let them believe something was happening than admit what he feared, that nothing would  _ever_  happen, that he’d never be able to release the love he felt for Armie into the wild. Innocent games, he thought. It was all innocent, just him entertaining the idea of a future with Armie for the sake of the fans. He knew deep down that it went further than that, though. 

In his heart, he sought out the validation of only one-- Armie. He couldn’t understand, there had been a  _moment_  with them, more than one he was sure. Sometimes he’d catch Armie’s eyes, or he’d notice him playing it up for cameras, too, the thought that the world would be privy to more of his feelings than Timmy ever would a new level of ache in his bones. 

Because he’d do anything to feel that behind closed doors, to hear Armie say  _I fell in love with Timmy_  when it mattered, not for the world to speculate. 

Timmy sat alone in his apartment, phone in hand, social media scrolling through gifs and videos, edits and theories, before closing the apps and staring out the window. Perhaps if he stared at the cars, the wandering souls down below, maybe then he would understand why he couldn’t be with Armie. 


End file.
